See you in the afterlife
Temples
The days of forgotten memories
Time will decide
My BFF has decided to continue her adventure in another country. This wasn’t surprising because I’ve learnt that people stay in our lives only temporarily. After all, I’ve signed a temporary contract with my life, unlike those who cling to the illusion of permanence.
All about ships
Other contracts, called ships, whether friendship or partnership, operate on their unique terms. They navigate the winds of change, and like nature itself, they are beyond our control. Each vessel—defined by its needs and desires—charting its own course can seem chaotic. It’s easy to get lost in this illusion, believing that we can mix water and oil, the wants and needs, in our minds when we know it’s not possible scientifically. Yet, we keep shaking things up, hoping for a different outcome.
I once told a partner—who was a ship to me—that I was charting a new course and would sail with him indefinitely. However, I soon realised the harsh realities of navigating with him, whom I’ve called life before in these stories. This experience reinforced my understanding that love is a powerful and enduring emotion, but our destinations may differ entirely. He desires to follow his need for solitude even though there is a want to sail with someone. I take pride in walking the blank under his command because I live to tell what I’ve learned.
I have a tale to tell
Madonna
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall
A man can tell a thousand lies
I’ve learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned till then it will burn inside of me
We walked on the streets of Japan when I told him I understood the meaning of indefinite before stepping on his ship. That happened through my very best friend, who experienced how deceptive life can be regarding the unilateral termination of the contract.
The mother fucker
She was my haven, and I was hers. Our moms were friends who needed help; they were for each other without being judged for being in the situation due to bad judgment. We were our mother’s daughters and ended up being in the same situationship, but we had each other remind us to cut the vicious cycle and sail away with a better vessel. She went as far as Central America.
Distance was never a problem in our friendship because we always lived far away. Still, we spent everlasting summer holidays together when adults tried to fix their sinking partnerships of bad decisions.
Madonna’s C tapes were looping, and in the rhythm of the music, our Barbies were having adventures with only one Ken, who was wearing an unsuitable Disco outfit in the lodge in front of the imaginary fireplace. Mel & Kim’s LP Record gave a nice soundtrack to a Star Wars-themed laser sabel fight we had with suspiciously short weapons that had vibrations and lights but were found in the bedroom’s secret stash.
She was brave enough to shut down the TV after we watched only a few minutes of a horror movie, “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” I was shivering under the blanket, seeing Freddie.
When we were teenagers, I was an optimistic soul who believed in romance, while she was a hardened human hater, fiercely independent and self-reliant. When I met her crew, she made it abundantly clear: anyone who even thought about offering me forbidden substances would face her wrath. Her mission was to protect my innocence, ensuring I stayed true to myself.
Before we even hit our twenties, tragedy struck, and she channelled insurance money into an adventure for us in India. With that unexpected windfall, we hiked for a month and then drove across Spain. Those days were a mix of survival and spontaneity, but as usual, we were broke again and made more bad decisions.
Restless souls that we were, I took the plunge and tried to settle down while she fueled her desire for new adventures. At my wedding, everyone else was celebrating, but we found ourselves in the bathroom, comparing our boobs and laughing. Later, we sat on the floor, deep in conversation.
“You’ll find your way back to yourself. I believe in that,” she asserted.
“If you know what I should do so well, why didn’t you tell me?” I shot back.
“Am I some kind of a mother fucker to you?”
“Aren’t you my friend?”
“I am, and that’s exactly why I’m telling you that you’re lost, but you will find your way back.”
“Then maybe you’re the mother fucker!”
We erupted in genuine and loud laughter, then returned to the wedding party.
I’ve said goodbye to each other countless times at the airport, but this one felt different.
“If you’re the mother fucker to me, who am I to you then?”
“You were my sunshine when I needed it. I lost mine as a child, but you had it. I don’t know where you found it, but Jesus, it was irritating sometimes. Now, I have my sunshine back, but I almost gave up. Thank you for being my very best friend all these years. That’s what you are to me.”
I asked for permission to hug her—a request I knew was out of the ordinary since she wasn’t the hugging type. The next time I held her was when I carried her ashes back to Finland. I watched her sunshine exit with her last breath, a poignant reminder that life is one big mother fucker.
Finding haven
Later, I made a poor judgment in the search for a haven that led me down a path of bitterness and human hatred. Now, I was fiercely independent and self-reliant, heading to solitude, but this sunlight walked into my classroom. She could sometimes be irritating, but over the past three years, she has become a campaign manager, editor, and sous chef to me. In short, I refer to her as my BFF, with a very clear understanding of what forever truly means.
People come and go in our lives for reasons we may never fully understand, but we have the power to determine their significance. They can become forgotten memories, nemeses, or sources of light—only time will reveal the meaning of those who journey into our lives and ultimately depart. Eventually, we all leave.
Where are all these people heading? Some are off on grand adventures, while others may become shipwrecks, but ultimately, everyone is searching for their haven. Some envision this in the afterlife, while others discover it much closer than expected.
I needed to build a new friendship that shone brightly enough to unveil that my true haven lies within me. Is it forever? Only time will decide, but I will hug both tightly and often before the afterlife comes.
I’m just a small port
Who loves ships
Where it always burns at night
A couple of lanterns pale
Ships are not comfortable at my place
I am small and infamous
Away with big sails always
The beautiful sea has called
I’m looking at the sea now too
My heart could almost cry
He left me that fall
That ship lovely away
Which was bigger than others
And who I loved
When it arrived with a high bow
And I sailed most proudly
It also left the docks gray
Only traces remained in the water
I will long and miss you
I sought its lights from the sea
There were other ships, yes
The music came on
And with the most fragrant fruits
I loved them too
But they never leave
I didn’t cry like that
Some traces still at night
With a trembling heart I caress
When my lantern dimly burns
And they come from the sea
Only the seagulls and the gusts of the wind
And the waves soulless
When my lantern dimly burn
And they come from the sea
Only the seagulls and the gusts of the wind
And the waves soulless
Paloheimo Oiva
Let me tell you a story 
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