I said, cowboy take me away
The Chicks
Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one for miles and miles
Except for maybe you and your simple smile
According to non-single people and my mom, the maximum time one can be normally single is three years.
During the first year, everyone around me feared I would find someone. In the second year, it was commonly accepted to sign on dating apps. During this third year, I spent so much time with my BFF that the whispers of me scratching another pussycat than mine started to rise.
“I’ve Never Seen So Many Men Wasted So Badly.”
Clint Eastwood
My refusal to join any dating app should be respected, but instead, the conversation shifted from “you need to get over it” to “you need to get back on the saddle.” The irony is that I don’t even like horses, particularly stallions.
God’s Not On Our Side Because He Hates Idiots, Also.
Clint Eastwood
The time I truly enjoyed riding was on a wooden horse that glided along tracks. However, the pace was far too slow for my liking, so I decided to entertain myself, my very best friend, and other amusement park visitors by performing gymnastic moves on top of the wooden horse. I was wrapping up my routine, transitioning from a toe pointer to a warrior pose, when instead of receiving applause, I found security personnel waiting for me at the end of the ride. My friend and I were promptly escorted out, but we left with smiles, ready to continue our fun outside the park.
“You See In This World There’s Two Kinds Of People, My Friend – Those With Loaded Guns, And Those Who Dig. You Dig.”
Clint Eastwood
I’ve ridden enough to know I have no desire to climb back to the top and struggle to hold the reins while whipping myself to keep going. No, what I want is a cowboy—a solitary rider whose only partner is me in the harsh open plains called conventional. I need someone to ride my untamed spirit, one that remains wild yet fiercely capable, transforming life into an exhilarating journey filled with unexpected twists.
“So, what are you looking for in a man?” my mom asked. With a confident nod, I imagined a classic Western movie, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”, and replied, “I want a man who can shovel some horseshit.”
”Hey, Amigo! You Know You Have A Face Beautiful Enough To Be Worth Two Thousand Dollars?”
Clint Eastwood
Life isn’t resembling a classic Western movie right now; it feels more like a dramatic episode from a teen show. My daughter is juggling two young men simultaneously, and it’s clear she’s struggling to manage the situation. When I offered her some advice, she hit me with the classic line, “What do you know about this?” If only she understood the wisdom I have to share.
In my younger years, I confidently dated three men simultaneously during a time when mobile phones didn’t exist. My well-trained roommate handled phone calls and doorbell rings while I managed my schedule with precision. I kept a handwritten chart to track when Boyfriend A or B called while I was with Boyfriend C. It was a strategic approach that worked for a while, but juggling three relationships became exhausting, especially with a broken heart. When my daughter shared her dating choices, I told her plainly, “Just make sure you don’t break anyone’s heart intentionally.” While I smiled inwardly, knowing the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, she took it up a notch by opting for two from a different city.
“If You Miss You Better Miss Very Well. Whoever Double-Crosses Me And Leaves Me Alive Understands Nothing About Tuco. Nothing!”
Clint Eastwood
My mom didn’t accept my response of horseshit. She called it what it was—bullshit—and insisted that I must be looking for something specific.
I’ve noticed a shift in my eye candy collection. Normally, I scout for the perfect Christmas tree, aiming to add it to my roster of potential targets to steal. It is my beloved Christmas tradition, which my criminal mind thrives on. The most meaningful moment was when my daughter joined in, adding her professional flair to the experience. Even my time in Denmark didn’t deter my quest for the ideal tree, despite the limited selection. Thank god for Nature parks.
”There Are Two Kinds Of Spurs, My Friend. Those That Come In By The Door; Those That Come In By The Window.”
Clint Eastwood
Now, I’m searching for a potential partner with the same eyes, though I know I can’t steal one for myself. “Yes, I’m on the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree,” I told my mom, and she finally let the topic drop.
I cannot ride them or steal. So what’s left? Maybe doing tricks, but the only two I’ve mastered are throwing my underpants with one leg and catching them mid-air—a real showstopper. I can also twist a marshmallow to look like a false morel in seconds. The real question is: can I catch anyone’s attention with these skills?
“Who The Hell Is That? One B*stard Goes In And Another Comes Out!”
Clint Eastwood
I told my mom exactly what kind of man I was looking for. There will be some horseshit shovelling, breaking the law and tricks, but the one I’m looking for has the good, the bad, and the ugly because that’s exactly who I am, too.
P.S. I will download the dating apps in June. Yihaa!
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